The Gift - Review

Park Theatre, London

**

Written by Dave Florez

Directed by Adam Meggido

Nicholas Burns

The phrase goes that while a turd cannot be polished, it can be rolled in glitter. So it is with Dave Florez’s scatological disaster of a play that sees the 40-something Colin receive a stool in the mail, delivered in a fancy cake box.

If this narrative had been the subject of a five-minute sketch from Derek and Clive, it may well have been eye-wateringly funny. But while the schoolboy humour of the play’s opening moments may make a bit of a splash, from then on any semblance of wit is well and truly flushed away.

The three-hander sees Colin, his sister Lisa and her boyfriend Brian (fine acting all-round from Nicholas Burns, Laura Haddock and Alex Price respectively) deliver a series of Gen X metro-cliches that take a frankly improbable storyline and strain hard to force out any semblance of comedy. Also floating in the bowl are the vaguest hints of political comment, along with a nod to Colin and Lisa’s dysfunctional childhood.

This is a clogged drama lasting for what feels like a very constipated two hours. Will leave you pooped.

Runs until 1st March

Photo credit: Rich Southgate

Half Time And Down - Review

**

Written and directed by Mark-John Ford

Harley Sylvester and cast on set

Half Time and Down is the debut offering from writer director Mark-John Ford. Running to around thirty minutes, this football focused fantasy takes a look inside the dressing room of Stanley Beavers FC. It's half time and the team are trailing 6-0.

As manager Bob (Tom Davis) unleashes his "motivational" team-talk, his profanity amuses - but it soon becomes repetitive. There is some wit in Ford's characters, but there's a tad too much clichéd stereotype too: the overweight player; Bob's sycophantic assistant; they're all stock comedy targets, although there are the occasional brilliantly recognisable Sunday League moments too - Bob's combo of tracksuit bottoms with a shirt and tie is inspired!

Aside from the script, Ford has assembled some acting gems. Harley Sylvester (who the kids will know as half of Rizzle Kicks) puts in a decent turn as one of the Beavers, whilst legendary ex-hooligan and now respected author Cass Pennant gives a no-nonsense cameo as the referee.

The film has a sound premise, but whilst the f-word's comic potential has been known for decades, (Derek and Clive used it brilliantly) abuse needs to be handled with care. Too much filth is boring. Ford clearly has imagination, but his scriptwriting needs attention.

It's far from the best, but if you're in the mood for a curry and a few beers, then Half Time And Down could well provide a perfect evening's entertainment.

Available to download from 1st December 2014

Guest reviewer - Jed Samuel